While teaching at BYU education week a mom told me “My 11 year old daughter and I were watching America’s Most Funniest Home Videos and a K-Y Jelly commercial comes on talking about ‘pleasuring one another.’ She asked me what does that mean? What do I tell her?”
While transporting Young Men along I-15 in Utah to a church activity, there is a giggle from a 13 year-old as he reads the bill board-
While teaching at BYU education week a mom told me “My 11 year old daughter and I were watching America’s Most Funniest Home Videos and a K-Y Jelly commercial comes on talking about ‘pleasuring one another.’ She asked me what does that mean? What do I tell her?”
“A youth boiling with hormones will wonder why he should not give full freedom to his sexual desires; and if he is unchecked by custom, morals, or laws, he may ruin his life before he matures sufficiently to understand that sex is a river of FIRE that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume both the individual and the group.” (As quoted by Neil A. Maxwell “Behold, the Enemy Is Combined” (D&C 38:12), General Conference April 1993)
Each of these fires-the Holy Ghost and Puberty…make powerful changes in our lives.
…require preparation and teaching from others.
AT WHAT AGE DO I HAVE THE “SEX TALK” WITH MY KIDS?
The parents asked.
I said, “You’re kidding me right?”
“Remember what I do for a living?”
I evaluate sex offenders-mostly juveniles. Just this week I’ve seen two 12 year boys for felony hands-on touching offenses (Both are active LDS and go to Church). I’ve completed thousands of sexual evaluations. Tragically, there have been plenty of times where I – “Dr. Rick” – was the first adult to have a frank and personal “sex talk” with that youth 🙁 At times, the young man has his Eagle Scout and president of the Teacher’s quorum, but a one-on-one with an adult was too embarrassed to say out loud the names for male and female private body parts…. etc etc
Simply said, if it was 1840 and you’re a pioneer coming across the plains maybe it was okay to have “A” sex talk with your kid when he was 13 or 14. It is now 2020 and you’re not a pioneer and IF you’re asking the question –
Don’t you get it?
Satan and his angels have been having the “sex talk” with (you,) your children and grandchildren for years –
– since they started watching TV,
– since they started listening to he radio,
– since they started going to a public school,
– since they started riding in a car on a freeway,
– since they started listening to music,
– since they started doing social media,
etc etc
Satan successfully influences us and our children everyday about “the power of procreation” – using his doctrine as the guide. (See: You Can’t Say That in a Chapel! and Satan Exposed.)
Never, Never, Never, …. miss an opportunity to talk to your children and grandchildren (or spouse for that matter) about sexual relations in God’s way – ideally EACH TIME a SEXUAL CONVERSATION IS TRIGGERED by a song, by a billboard, by a commercial, by a public display of affection, etc etc-
If you need a strong reminder of just how powerful Satan’s sexual influences are just taking a look at Carl’s Junior commercials – … these commercials have all aired on public TV. :( (CAUTION to those of us who have reached puberty: These are very sexual commercials… Satan has engineered these commercials to trigger God’s Love Chemicals. Sexy Carl’s Jr. Commercials 2006-2013
If hamburger commercials can be this sexual, can you imagine what kind of addiction potential “real” porn has on young men and women?
CONCLUSION
A sexualized world including pornographic materials will continue to be readily accessible to our children and adolescents. Sexualized messaging influences the development of our children and adolescents, it affects how they think and behaves sexually.
WHAT CAN I DO
One might ask How do I help my children and grandchildren “develop a hundred restraints” to manage the “FIRE” associated with puberty?
“You should prepare your children for the changes that accompany puberty before these changes actually begin. (If it is too late have discussions with them anyway.) Puberty is the process by which hormones cause the body to change in ways that make procreation possible. These changes mark the passage from childhood to adulthood. The processes are clean, good, and divinely mandated. There is no certain schedule, but this process usually begins between ages eleven and thirteen …The changes of puberty permit us to experience remarkably heightened pleasures of touch and arousal. But we have the agency to control the emotions and behaviors leading up to intentional sexual arousal. “ (A Parent’s Guide Chapter 5: Teaching Adolescents: from Twelve to Eighteen Years)
Follow the baptismal pattern …. missionaries, home teachers and/or parents take time -often several lessons- to teach about baptism and the holy ghost before the first fire-and the Gift of the Holy Ghost is given.
Talk openly about normal processes of puberty like menstruation for girls and nocturnal emissions or “wet dreams” for boys. Use the correct language for body parts. Never use slang.
If you have trouble using these words with your children or grandchildren – get over it. (Watch: What if talking about sexual intimacy makes me uncomfortable?)
If your child is already pubescent read this chapter out loud together.
If your child is prepubescent you and your spouse read this chapter and decide how to proceed.
(I mean really, how “Sexy” could it be – it’s on LDS.org and an official Church Guidebook?)
Follow up with ongoing brief discussions as they are triggered in your day -to-day living.
Teaching them along the way
dr rick