Stuck

PERCEPTION IS REALITY
I had a new intake with a male patient the other day.  He was about 45 and had been battling a “porn addiction” for most of his life. He had been to several counselors, attended 12-step support groups, visited with clergy, etc. He claimed: “Nothing works!“

I said to myself- here I go again. After 40 years of this same old rhetoric I’m not sure I have the energy to reeducate him and teach him the truth about his core self – who he really is and what he is really capable of doing. Clearly many of the interventions he has tried simply reinforced his “thinking errors” – “I’m an addict. I can’t stop.” “I have a disease. I have to learn to live with it.” “I’m no good.” “I’ve tried everything.” “Nothing works.” 

This is a common vicious cycle. 😪

DAILY LIVING
As you go about living, your self-talk influences your behavior and the way you interact with others and see the world.  Quite often thoughts aren’t realistic. In fact they maybe outright lies! Yet, we believe them and behave as if they’re true. These inaccurate thoughts we believe-in and live-by are referred to as “Thinking Errors” or sometimes “Cognitive Distortions. “

Thinking errors have been part of psychology for as long as I remember. (Which by the way is a pretty long time.)  You may recognize some of the common thinking errors: All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralizing, Catastrophizing, etc  (See: Web MD -Thinking Errors)

In recent years the field of psychology has identified “thinking errors” for specific populations.

Criminal Thinking Errors
The 14-year-old that I recently saw in court the other day for repeated legal violations was sentenced by the judge to “Criminal Thinking Error Classes.” These classes focus on identifying and changing criminal thinking errors like “I am a victim… It’s not my fault…”  or  “I deserve to have this …. They won’t miss it.” 

Sexual Thinking Errors
In assessing child molesters and rapists we use common “sexual thinking errors” to determine the seriousness of an individual’s deviant sexuality. The more sexual thinking errors they have, the more concerned I am. For example, I administer a test with sexual thinking errors like: “Most girls secretly like to be raped”  or  “Having sex with a child will make us closer.” The client marks whether or not they believe the statement to be true. Believe it or not, I’ve had 12 and 13 year olds answer “True” to questions like these. (Illustrates the power of pornography – a topic for another blog.)

THE POWER OF EVEN 1 OR 2 THINKING ERRORS
It has been my experience that ANYONE with an ongoing unwanted behavior e.g. addiction, depression, anger, panic attacks, suicide ideation etc. has in part one or two “thinking errors” that assist in maintaining the unwanted behavior.

Like a Door Hinge

Let’s compare a “thinking error” to a “door hinge”.  A hinge is a jointed or flexible device on which a door subsequently depends. Most hinges are made of steel because of the weight they carry. Similarly, a “thinking error” is a jointed device that connects your “daily behavior – the door” with your “core self – the wall.”  The hinge – “thinking error,” is the point on which your unwanted daily behavior subsequently depends.

Here is a quick example, I like to run now days. It’s a great resource for me.  (See: Five to Survive).  I remember years ago running 1 or 2 miles and feeling tired. I use to have these thinking errors “I could never run 5K” and “Bodies aren’t made to run a 5K.” As a result of these thoughts – I never ran a 5K.  One year my sister-in-law signed me up to run a 5K.  I thought no big deal, when I get tired I’ll just walk.  I ran the whole way! ✨ I couldn’t believe it!  In recent years I’ve been running half marathons. (I still have trouble wrapping my mind around actually running 13.1 miles.) The old thinking errors of “I could never run 5K” and “Bodies aren’t made to run a 5K” are now gone.

Just imagine what  your reality would be like if you actually believed thoughts like:

• “I’m no good.”
• “I hate my husband.”
• “No one would ever want to marry me.”
• “All men want is sex.”
• “I’m a bad mom.”
• “I would be better off dead.”
• “I can never change.”
• “There is no God.”

Stuck on an Escalator
Watch this video. In the comment section of this blog answer these questions:

1. What are the “thinking errors” that keep these guys stuck on the escalator?
2. What are the results of them believing these “thinking errors?”

Here is the video:  Stuck on an Escalator.

Although the video is funny, as a psychologist I see people every day “Stuck”- stuck doing porn, stuck doing depression, stuck being suicidal, stuck doing anxiety, etc. 

Ask yourself: What escalator am I stuck on?

You change a thinking error
    – You change your life.

NOTE: Certainly I’m not suggesting that all behavior is caused simply by thinking errors. Obviously, there can be many factors that contribute to an unwanted behavior. What I am saying is that “thinking errors” are at least part of maintaining the unwanted behaviors. One key to your happiness will include recognizing and replacing thinking errors. Maybe I should write a blog on “Fixing Thinking Errors?”